When I started the blog, I had every intention of writing at least every week. Life got in my way. For several of my absent weeks, I was working on a presentation called ASIST which stands for Applied Suicide Intervention Skills Training. It is an internationally recognized suicide prevention program for people working with others who may be suicidal. The training for trainers was a five day intense workshop that myself and the care coordinator from NAMI KC took in October. The notebook is mega thick of information along with a DVD/ powerpoint component. After our training, I figured we may or may not have the opportunity to present the information and if so, it may be sometime down- the- line. Well, sometime down -the- line came and the presentation was two weeks ago. Hours of prep took precedence over my blogging. With that completed, we decided to move our upstairs office to the basement and turn the office back into bedroom which again got in my way, so I do apologize.
One of the topics discussed this evening at our support group group was people often want a suicide survivor to “get over it.” Get over what- is the question? What do we need to get over? I guess a remark that stayed with me was a participant one time in group said, “I will get over it when my loved one comes back.” We know that isn’t going to happen, and we know we will never get over it. We can however work through it. So, as I reflect on my own journey, acceptance comes with time and time is different for everyone. The loss itself is enormous but there is loss in what could have and might have been which is a loss of the future. Our son will forever be thirty-one. Seven years have passed and both his sisters and brother are married with two children each. Life did not stop the day he took his last breath and as much as he is missed the cycle of life continues as it is supposed to.
Life is complicated and some questions can never be answered. We will never know the depth of the why it happened only that it did. Acceptance is hard but without it we can never hope to see a tomorrow for we are stuck in yesterday. Grieve you will and heal you can. Healing does not mean forgetting it means accepting and looking forward to a tomorrow. The best I can wish for you and myself is peace.